I still don't feel as if I've done anything significant with my life yet.

I entered into a fake Facebook relationship with a 19-year-old.

My inbox and wall were flooded within an hour.

A generalized reply:
From males: "Props if you're hitting that!"
From females: "OH HELL NO!"

Captain Bee: Relationship Counselor

I am normally a sounding board for most of my friends (male and female) on dating issues and relations with the opposite sex in general. I like it this way - I get a lot of knowledge on what does and doesn't work, what to avoid, what to do, and so on. It's a lot of indirect experience with none of the messiness and strings.

I guess I really only noticed lately how my view have, I suppose, 'refined'. I used to advocate fighting games with games. I would recommend a tough approach, with very little tolerance for stupid traps and ploys. I was probably wrong.

Nowadays I find myself recommending solutions that involve either compromise or a way for the other person to apologize without looking awful. I think I was too much of a jerk and I've worked to bring that dial back a bit and add some 'nice' in there. It's getting towards the right mix, but I doubt it's there yet. It makes me feel better to help others patch up their relationships instead of giving them advice that runs a high risk of imploding years of hard work.

Don't get me wrong - I still recommend games often. And if you run into games, I'm all about fighting fire with a bigger damn fire. But once in a while, there's a certain diplomacy about things that needs to come into play. Saving face seems to be important.

I'm also drawing up on my mid-twenties now. Since I was in a serious relationship for the past few years, I was sort of out of the loop on how things work nowadays. It seems like both guys and girls at this age are starting to develop a lower tolerance for games and bullshit, and it certainly requires a different approach. Where 'jerk' used to be unstoppably successful in the past, it's now more or less ineffective. Being nice, on the other hand, opens many more doors now, with the added bonus that you feel like a million bucks yourself at the same time.

I like the nice, but it's fun to still be a jerk from time to time.

At some point, you have to stop talking, and start actually doing.

Back in Toronto for Dec.30 - Jan.1. Yes, that includes New Year's Eve.

Back in Ottawa for Jan. 2 - 5.

I know my life is changing when my casual reading consists of string theory, quantum theory, and astrophysics.

Steps To Not Feeling Run-Down 24/7

1) Weight-training at the gym daily or twice daily.
2) Protein shakes for breakfast and supper.
3) 7+ hours of sleep per night.
4) More Captain Bee leisure time.
5) Less time worrying about school shit.
6) Procrastinating other things in order to make time for #1, 3, and 4.

Midnight Shift

Being a grad student with a fairly lenient supervisor, I have the luxury of more or less 'setting my own hours' - as long as I put in a quality eight hours a day, it really doesn't matter when those hours are.

With my plate pretty full lately, obviously due to procrastination on my part, I decided to try shifting up my schedule. Gone are the 10am - 6pm workdays, replaced by 11pm - 7am and 1am - 9am nights.

It is sort of surreal. I walk through campus on my way in and there are absolutely no signs of life other than the random straggler once in a while. It's perfectly quiet. I hum along to my headphones because there's nobody around to bust me on it. I get into my office (shared with other grad students) and it is serene. There are absolutely no distractions other than the usual suspects (Facebook and Google News).

I like plugging my music player right into computer speakers and flooding the office with tunes. I lock the door, lean back in the chair, crack my knuckles, and get to work.

Winter

It's getting colder and I've got my winter hoodie out and about already.

I was walking to my office on campus just now (all-nighter in the works, big presentation tomorrow) and it started lightly misting.

Fantastic weather.

My only bitch about winter is how damn short the days are. I love daylight, and as the days get shorter, my mood gets worse.

Making Amends

For the long-time readers out there...

I recently was added to Facebook by the (think waaaaaaay back...like three years) old "Sometimes-girlfriend".

I apologized for being a complete jackass for steamrolling her feelings and basically trampling all over her for a solid year at the end of the relationship.

She accepted. You know what? It made me feel good.

She has gone on to do very well for herself, advancing quite quickly up the corporate ladder and holding a great job with a bunch of people under her. When I first met her, she was sheltered, naive, and soft. Now she is borderline ruthless with a selfish streak and general mistrust of others.

I like to think that I caused that.

I'm still in an especially bad rut. I've been stuck in a hole for the last two months.

I find it hard to focus. My mind feels slippery, transient, fractional. I don't feel like I can concentrate fully on anything, and I continually change aim.

I know exactly what I need to do in order to get the sun shining again. I guess it's the execution that is lacking.

I Hate Waiting.

I've never been a patient person. Any semblance of me being even remotely patient is simply an illusion, brought on by me being distracted by the next nearest shiny object.

I ordered a Dell Mini 10v netbook last week. It still hasn't shipped yet. The 'estimated delivery date' is November 11. Of course, this delivery date was not revealed to me until after my payment was processed.

How the hell am I supposed to wait another 2 weeks for this?! I'm going absolutely nuts waiting for it! Sure, I could do something boring like homework, grading lab reports, etc. etc...but where's the fun in that?

I had a professor who seemed to go out of his way to be especially rude, impolite, unhelpful, and generally surly towards me when I needed help and he was the academic adviser.

He just got busted making up results that he published in accredited, peer-reviewed, major scientific journals and got canned from his faculty position at the university.

I feel fantastic.

I don't understand marriage at age 23.
I don't understand having a child at age 24.
I don't understand devoting the next 18 (or more) years of your life to something when you haven't even begun to life your own life.